Snails Are Faster Than ADSL

Snails are widely assumed to be slow animals. Yet the literature on sluggish speed is surprisingly limited, and only few have actually bothered to measure and record it formally. Further, reported gastropod speeds vary widely with species and circumstance, ranging from 0.000023 to 0.0028 meters per second ([1] and [2], respectively). With that in mind, it is not surprising that the use of snails as data communications agents was not considered up until the research reported here. Indeed, one can hardly reconcile the phlegmatic disposition of slugs with the fantastic speeds at which information is expected to flow over the Internet. Yet as we show below, the negative attitude towards using snails in communications networks is an example of bounded rationality [3] impeding bold and creative engineering.